I hear ‘voices’ in my head. You may call it the voice of God, a psychological problem, ghostly presence or simply my conscience…
I saw a little boy on the train on my way back from an excursion. He cleaned our entire compartment floor. He then held out his hands for money. His attire was as dirty as the rag he used to wipe the floor. He was so thin and lifeless yet he wiped the floor with such vigour. Only his eyes shone brightly. I gave him five rupees and feeling very happy with myself I leant back in my seat…… then I heard it- the ‘voice’ I was talking about. It reminded me about the 10 rupees I had spent on an ice cream earlier in the day… about the 50 rupees I had spent on 2 pairs of earrings… about the 300 rupees I had spent on a jeans top from Westside…The 5 rupees that I had given the boy seemed silly. I tried to convince the ‘voice’ about how hot I was feeling when I bought that ice cream… about how I simply loved those earrings and how beautiful the top would look on my sister… Then the ‘voice’ told me I was selfish… I told the voice the very famous fact “if you pay one beggar well, all the beggars will pester you”. Then the ‘voice’ told me about how I could afford to pay all of them and reminded me of the amount of pocket money that still remained with me……
I got a mail about a child suffering from leukaemia. He had to undergo treatment but could not afford it. Donations were being requested. I forwarded it to 20 friends. Then the ‘voice’ spoke…… it asked me why I did not do anything for the child… I pointed out that I had forwarded the request to 20 people. The voice asked me how that would help the child. I explained how those 20 people would send it to another 20 people and so on. Finally the entire online community would know and eventually someone will help the child. Then the ‘voice’ replied “Why cant that ‘someone’ be you????”
I saw a movie “Taare Zameen Par”. It was about a boy with dyslexia. I cried…I felt sorry that there were such children in this world… I discussed the pathetic conditions of mentally challenged children with my friends… and I told everyone of how much I wished I could help such children…… then the ‘voice’ spoke again… “Why don’t you fulfill your wish??”. I asked the ‘voice’ how I could help them since I was only a child myself. Then it asked me in turn “Would you do it after you grow up??? Would you sacrifice your own aims and ambitions and work for such children?? Would you be willing to spent the money you saved for these children instead of buying the things you always wanted when you start earning??? Would you spent your free time with these children instead of going to movies and parties with your friends?? Are you willing to sacrifice yourself for them???”
I have learnt from this constantly pestering voice that I am not helpless but just can’t be bothered to be selfless. I give money to the poor, donate my old clothes and toys to charity institutions and discuss the pathetic conditions of the poor through debates and speeches… I do not go any further because going any further would mean giving up a lot of things. I talk of Mother Teresa who worked with the poor and I’m very much inspired by her work. But do I strive to be like her??? Do I imitate her gestures??? Her words??? I never get inspired by actors because I know they are just acting. Yet I know almost all Hindi dialogues and lyrics by heart. I even try mimicking their gestures. Why?? Because its fun memorising such things while being like Mother Teresa would mean sacrificing my life.
My ‘voice’ always tells me “You want to do it but you just won‘t”. I have plenty of excuses to throw at this irritating ‘voice’ - there are millions of people on this planet who need help and care. What difference can a single person like me make?? If I spent my time caring for the poor how can I get along with my life?? How can I achieve my dreams?? How can I reach where I want to be??
Yes… it always comes down to me.. I’m not willing to throw away the “I” from my sentences.. from my actions.. from my life…. I give priority to myself…. My dream is more important than those of the deprived…..
I know that the excuses I make to the ‘voice’ are pointless.. yet I cling onto to it in order to convince myself that I’m not selfish… At the end of the day as I count the good deeds that I did which include lending my notes, comforting my friend or helping the teacher the voice points out the number of people I ignored on my way who really needed my help… like the little girl wearing a torn dress who looked longingly at my gorgeous skirt… the beggar boy who stared awestruck at me while I chatted in English to my friends and the man who sits on the pavement to whom I just threw a 5 rupee coin from a purse jangling with money…..
I can hear the ‘voice’ now… it asks me why I don’t do anything inspite of realising all this. I once again excuse myself by pointing out that I’m writing a blog about it. The ‘voice’ asks me “How is that going to help the poor???
And the conflict continues……
5 comments:
Nice bit....smart, emotional, and from the heart.I loved it Tooty !, but try develop that extraordinary touch so that u'r writings will be easily identified as urs. Build ur own style :)
Well, the situation of the world is really ironic. We learn in textbooks that the problem with the world is population. That's a lie. Gandhiji, in his life time said that there's enough on earth for every man's need but not for everyone's greed. That holds true even today. The problem with the world is not population but consumption. The problem is that too little people consume too much whereby leaving very little for the larger portion of the human population
As for the dilemma of fulfilling one's own dreams and living for others... personally, i feel that every human being in the world has the right to pursue his goals in life. If he's good enough, if he's hard-working enough, then why shouldn't he work towards his dream?
We can all do our little bit towards helping those in need. It isn't necessary that we must all dedicate our whole lives to it. Just as not everyone need to equally good in a particular sport or a particular mental capability.... everyone doesn't need to be the most selfless person. The fact is that the difference is made when EVERYONE begins to contribute as much as they can even if it's not much.
But then, there has, is and will always be people who dedicate their entire lives to a cause higher than that of fulfilling their own pety dreams. Most of them go unnoticed, sadly enough.
But undoubtedly, any person who has the inner desire, sensitivity and ability to improve other people's lives should seriously consider it as they would be serving a higher cause than earning crores working in an MNC or as a moviestar. But that person alone won't help. We also need the ones in the MNCs and the moviestars to contribute to improve fellow human being's situation
I would talk about the environment and how that is far more important than human beings but right now I gotta do my stupid math assignment :((
It was a seriously good post, Jeeta :). Your writing is extremely candid and straight from the heart as I mentioned before and as long as you continue to write in that fashion, it'll always come out well
Three thumbs up :D
Dear Jeeta,
GOD's voice is not a pestering voice.....
It's lik a flame dat burns our hearts and nothing and no one can put it out.
Put God first in ur hearts and everything else just falls in place.
Gud one...Thought provoking!!!!
yet another "makes u think" blog from jeeta.... sincerely, it was gr8... luvd it....and if u have ne idea or vision of how ane1 can bring about a change in this world, and if u need nebody's help for fulfilling it... u can always 'ding dong' at my doorstep.... keep it up...
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