Today I told my friend that ‘Life is beautiful’ but I meant it in an extremely sarcastic manner since both of us were suffering from pangs of “acute boredom due to study hols syndrome”. So why is life NOT beautiful??? I don’t know about others but I’ll tell you why MY life is terrible now….
The first and main reason is that I’m feeling damn lonely… I’m at my home town and everyone here are having exams. My college friends are all meeting each other and having a lot of fun which depresses me. The fact ‘Man is a social animal’ is so true. This lack of contact with fellow humans is driving me crazy. But on the bright side due to technological advancements errrmm… I mean due to mobiles and google talks I’m in constant touch with everyone. Friends call me daily and keep messaging nonsense which cheers me up a lot… It will never be the same as actually meeting people but still at least it shows that inspite of all the fun they are having they haven’t forgotten me…..
Second reason for this ‘life is not beautiful’ condition is that I’m in a waiting for the perfect person in my life (like everyone else) and my friend keeps telling me that I’ll never get anyone that perfect. He teases me when I tell him the kind of qualities I’m looking for in a guy. Maybe it’s true. No one gets anyone perfect but what’s wrong in dreaming??? But again on the bright side at least I have awesome friends with whom I can share all my dumb dreams… even if they make fun of it they have the patience to listen to me….
Third reason is open jealously. I have an extremely techie friend. Now I would love to be techie. I’m every much interested in such things but I’m totally dumb. I have always dreamt of creating something on my own and earning money and appreciation. But that was all a dream. Now this techie friend is just as old as me but he has his own ‘logo, template etc designing’ business. Check out his site http://www.amitspsworld.info. He actually bought a Samsung Corby with the money he earned from this. When I see someone else living my dream I become jealous. That’s natural right?? Anyway again on the bright side we have the fact that if this techie buddy turns out to be Bill Gates Junior I can always proclaim myself as his best friend and get Windows 2020 for free. Cool idea huh?? :D
Fourth reason is a very obvious one. I can’t study. I think this is something students are programmed to do only on the day before the exam. It’s not as if I don’t like studying. In fact I love studying. I always did… even as a kid. But I need to get a mood to study. I can never force myself nor can anyone force me. We have nine subjects and almost half a month is over and I haven’t even reached 0.01% of what we have to study…. Each day I become more and more confident that I will surely flunk. And sad to say I can’t find a bright side for this .
And again there are plenty more reasons to say… but absolutely to mood to put it down in words right now…But when you tally it all up life is not so bad after all… Life may not be beautiful if we look at the obvious… but if you know what to look for life can be wonderfully beautiful…. Each moment… each word…. Each conversation… each touch… each relationship… has a special meaning… Seek it.. Each day brings unexpected things… Find it….. Life is a mystery… Reveal it…. Your dreams may never come true… but life is a reason to dream…. Life is a reason to live….
PS: Check out the song ‘Aaj din chadiya’ from Love aaj kal… not exceptionally good… but I wrote this blog while listening to it…. So it’s not leaving my mind now :D
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Thursday, April 1, 2010
A WALK TO REMEMBER.....
Bunking class and hanging out is a normal part of college life… Nothing extraordinary about it… But yesterday was very special to me…. I learnt many things…We had already decided to meet at nine and roam around the whole day… but by the time my extremely sleepy friends woke up and got dressed it was past eleven. After spending a lazy hour in our friends flat surfing channels we finally went out to roam.
First we went to the so called “Youngsters favourite hangout place” KFC. Food is the most expensive thing in Ernakulum and the guys paid the entire bill (point to be noted since this incident affects the story again). After this my friend’s extremely tyrannical mom called her back since its getting late (It was just past 12 noon k?? :D) and another went off to see his old buddies.
Eventually me and two guys were the only ones left. We went for a long walk along M.G.Road…. It was mid-day and it was like walking in an oven kept in hell…. But still it was real fun….. We talked a lot and whenever it became too hot we got into any shop which had a/c. I think there are no shops left on that road we haven’t attacked…
We got into seemati first… a very famous textile shop… Since we are all on the verge of bankruptcy the only reason we entered that place was to shelter from the unbearable heat… first we went to the men’s section and had a gala time commenting on the various shirts and tshirts… teasing each other’s likes… tricking the salesmen into thinking we are potential customers…. After driving everyone crazy there we went to the ladies section…. I was immersed in going through the displays when I turned back and saw the guys standing back embarrassed. They felt extremely odd being in the girls section and was fidgeting. This is the when I derived my first theory…. Guys are more insecure than gals. They feel that being among ladies stuff will make them girlie… How sad…. I obviously couldn’t leave them in such a position.. So after that we entered only guys brand shops… and since there are multimillion brands for guys (basics… wrangler…levi strauss.. blah.. blah.. blah…) we had plenty of options…. We also found a bonsai shop… but they sold only pots and clipperes…and no a/c either… damn!!
Finally we entered a coffee shop totally tired out….dripping like a wet towel… and ravishingly thirsty…. It was so relaxing to finally sink into a chair and sip something…
It was a great walk… I got to know them better… realised that we are actually so different… and wondered at how we all became so close inspite of being so unalike…I mean there isn’t anything we actually agree on ..and yet we are friends.. Amazing relationship…
It seemed like the perfect day till the bill came. I thought it was natural that I should pay it since they took care of the kfc bill. They were feeling bad about making me pay and I thought they were trying to be chivalrous which is pretty sweet. But what they said next totally disappointed me… “What will your parents say when they know you spent so much money… you are a girl nah??”….. WTF!!!! I felt so insanely mad then… This is exactly what everyone believes…. These guys are kinda like my best friends and I would never say anything against them but even they have this attitude…. But I don’t blame them… it is what the society has forced us to accept… it’s what we are taught by the society… gals need to save their parents’ money since getting them married is such an expensive process while guys can just fling their money around since they are ‘guys after all’….. There are specific rules and codes of conduct for boys and girls… any deviation from them marks you as insane… crazy… rebellious….
There was a time when such an incident would be the end of my friendship… but now even if I get angry when I hear such things I have learnt to accept it… I will never support it… I will never follow it… but since I cant change anyone’s attitude I just accept it… after all friendship is all about adjustment…
Even if I can’t change the world one thing I can do is hold onto what I believe in… but I sometimes find even that difficult…. It’s hard to get accepted… you get teased… you get looked down on… you are considered as an idiot.. And most irritatingly you are branded as a feminist…. But at the end of it even if you find that no one agrees with you, you get a satisfaction of knowing that you did the right thing…
Life is an a beautiful experience…. Every moment you learn something… yesterday I learnt two things… one.. You don’t need to believe in the same thing to become friends… and two… you don’t need others to accept what you believe in as long as you believe it yourself…..
So the walk to remember came to an end with them dropping me off at the station… I don’t know if they spent the day with me as an obligation or whether they honestly enjoyed it… all I know is that it was a truly lovely time for me… thanks a lot buddies… tc..
PS: Wanted to write something on woman’s day but couldn’t get any inspiration… so I think I’ll consider this as a woman’s day dedication… Something better than nothing nah??
First we went to the so called “Youngsters favourite hangout place” KFC. Food is the most expensive thing in Ernakulum and the guys paid the entire bill (point to be noted since this incident affects the story again). After this my friend’s extremely tyrannical mom called her back since its getting late (It was just past 12 noon k?? :D) and another went off to see his old buddies.
Eventually me and two guys were the only ones left. We went for a long walk along M.G.Road…. It was mid-day and it was like walking in an oven kept in hell…. But still it was real fun….. We talked a lot and whenever it became too hot we got into any shop which had a/c. I think there are no shops left on that road we haven’t attacked…
We got into seemati first… a very famous textile shop… Since we are all on the verge of bankruptcy the only reason we entered that place was to shelter from the unbearable heat… first we went to the men’s section and had a gala time commenting on the various shirts and tshirts… teasing each other’s likes… tricking the salesmen into thinking we are potential customers…. After driving everyone crazy there we went to the ladies section…. I was immersed in going through the displays when I turned back and saw the guys standing back embarrassed. They felt extremely odd being in the girls section and was fidgeting. This is the when I derived my first theory…. Guys are more insecure than gals. They feel that being among ladies stuff will make them girlie… How sad…. I obviously couldn’t leave them in such a position.. So after that we entered only guys brand shops… and since there are multimillion brands for guys (basics… wrangler…levi strauss.. blah.. blah.. blah…) we had plenty of options…. We also found a bonsai shop… but they sold only pots and clipperes…and no a/c either… damn!!
Finally we entered a coffee shop totally tired out….dripping like a wet towel… and ravishingly thirsty…. It was so relaxing to finally sink into a chair and sip something…
It was a great walk… I got to know them better… realised that we are actually so different… and wondered at how we all became so close inspite of being so unalike…I mean there isn’t anything we actually agree on ..and yet we are friends.. Amazing relationship…
It seemed like the perfect day till the bill came. I thought it was natural that I should pay it since they took care of the kfc bill. They were feeling bad about making me pay and I thought they were trying to be chivalrous which is pretty sweet. But what they said next totally disappointed me… “What will your parents say when they know you spent so much money… you are a girl nah??”….. WTF!!!! I felt so insanely mad then… This is exactly what everyone believes…. These guys are kinda like my best friends and I would never say anything against them but even they have this attitude…. But I don’t blame them… it is what the society has forced us to accept… it’s what we are taught by the society… gals need to save their parents’ money since getting them married is such an expensive process while guys can just fling their money around since they are ‘guys after all’….. There are specific rules and codes of conduct for boys and girls… any deviation from them marks you as insane… crazy… rebellious….
There was a time when such an incident would be the end of my friendship… but now even if I get angry when I hear such things I have learnt to accept it… I will never support it… I will never follow it… but since I cant change anyone’s attitude I just accept it… after all friendship is all about adjustment…
Even if I can’t change the world one thing I can do is hold onto what I believe in… but I sometimes find even that difficult…. It’s hard to get accepted… you get teased… you get looked down on… you are considered as an idiot.. And most irritatingly you are branded as a feminist…. But at the end of it even if you find that no one agrees with you, you get a satisfaction of knowing that you did the right thing…
Life is an a beautiful experience…. Every moment you learn something… yesterday I learnt two things… one.. You don’t need to believe in the same thing to become friends… and two… you don’t need others to accept what you believe in as long as you believe it yourself…..
So the walk to remember came to an end with them dropping me off at the station… I don’t know if they spent the day with me as an obligation or whether they honestly enjoyed it… all I know is that it was a truly lovely time for me… thanks a lot buddies… tc..
PS: Wanted to write something on woman’s day but couldn’t get any inspiration… so I think I’ll consider this as a woman’s day dedication… Something better than nothing nah??
Friday, February 12, 2010
INTEZAAR HAI YEH PYAAR...
My friend is depressed because he doesn’t have a girlfriend… in other words he is not in love… So is love the only means to be happy?? Love has become a very popular emotion. Every tom, dick and harry on the street is in love with some ann, mary or Josephine. Love seems to be a “must have” factor of college life. A normal day in college is not complete without the discovery of a new love couple, a tearful breakup or at least a casual linking up of unexpected people. Life seems to revolve only around love with friendship and other stuffs in the background.
But in our desperation to fall in love we loose our happiness. We should not hope and wait and pray for love. It just happens… just because the world around you go crazy with love don’t loose your head. When the right time and right person comes you will get what you always wanted….
But this waiting is indeed a depressing process. Three fourth of my friends are already in love. Having friends who are in love is the saddest thing to tolerate. You get ignored and forgotten. You are given less importance in their life. You get to spent less time with them. You’ll be happily talking with your friend and suddenly their lover calls and then you find yourself all alone coz your friend has gone into another world….. A very very common experience I experienced very very often. But now I’m kinda used to the whole “friendship gets second priority to love” idea.
But life is more than just love. It has a lot of other beautiful things to offer. It’s a journey packed with all sorts of unexpected happenings… you never know what is gonna happen the next second which makes you wanna live the moment to the fullest.. Discover your passion…. Find something that makes you excited and happy….
For me making my friend smile makes me happy…. So this blog is dedicated to my “girlfriendless” buddy to lift his spirits… so please cheer up. A gorgeous gal is waiting for you around the corner but you haven’t reached the corner yet… Just wait a while… Till then you have plenty of friends to give you company… take care buddy….
The world seems to be created only for people who are in love. Boys and gals who have absolutely no idea about each other are pushed and forced to fall in love with each other. Mobile companies compete with each other to provide offers which assure hours of free talktime so that lovers are not separated by time or distance. Shops adorn themselves with red and sickly pink stuff so that lovers have a means of expressing their feelings via gifts. In short the purpose and ultimate aim in life seems to be love.
But in our desperation to fall in love we loose our happiness. We should not hope and wait and pray for love. It just happens… just because the world around you go crazy with love don’t loose your head. When the right time and right person comes you will get what you always wanted….
But this waiting is indeed a depressing process. Three fourth of my friends are already in love. Having friends who are in love is the saddest thing to tolerate. You get ignored and forgotten. You are given less importance in their life. You get to spent less time with them. You’ll be happily talking with your friend and suddenly their lover calls and then you find yourself all alone coz your friend has gone into another world….. A very very common experience I experienced very very often. But now I’m kinda used to the whole “friendship gets second priority to love” idea.
But life is more than just love. It has a lot of other beautiful things to offer. It’s a journey packed with all sorts of unexpected happenings… you never know what is gonna happen the next second which makes you wanna live the moment to the fullest.. Discover your passion…. Find something that makes you excited and happy….
For me making my friend smile makes me happy…. So this blog is dedicated to my “girlfriendless” buddy to lift his spirits… so please cheer up. A gorgeous gal is waiting for you around the corner but you haven’t reached the corner yet… Just wait a while… Till then you have plenty of friends to give you company… take care buddy….
Friday, January 15, 2010
DON'T NEED NO BUDDY
These days I feel as if I’m not doing anything worthwhile. Just going on living. I need something to look forward to…something to live for… so far my life was totally revolving around friendship. I breathed friendship… and that is my cause for unhappiness. Friendship is a beautiful relationship but when you totally submit yourself to it you get hurt badly. In this harsh reality no one sincerely bothers about friendship. It is just a means of not being alone. It is a means to use up your messaging offer. It is a means of showing the world that you are popular. It is a means of sharing something no one else would bother to listen to. Friends are just taken for granted. Me, being an idiot, didn’t realise it till recently. I just adored friendship. It was all I wanted. I rescheduled my entire life for friendship. My goals, dreams and even my family was pushed back for the sake of my friends.
While people around me got distracted by love I remained uninterested. I failed to realise that friendship is the biggest distraction. I expect a lot of things from my friends. I expect them to care for me as much as I do. But this never happens. Friendship is never given that much of importance by anyone. Within the past two months I have been hurt by three of my great buddies. This has made me totally depressed and devastated. Gosh!! If I had fallen in love I would have only had to suffer a single heartbreak. I really need to stop giving so much of priority to friendship.
One of my friends once said that my problem is that I have too many friends. But that’s wrong. I have very few friends. My problem is that I don’t know who my friends are. I care for people who don’t even need me and neglect the ones who really love me. I spend my time, energy and love on people who have no time for me and ignore the ones who are there every time I need them…
I need to discover what is friendship….. I need to discover who my friends are… I need to realise that it is not the ultimate factor in life…I need to move on…. I need to start living for myself and not just for friendship…..
KUSH!!!
I’m not the happiest person on earth in fact right now I’m the most miserable human alive. But I thought I’ll write a blog entry on how I try to be happy. This not a very successful process but still I feel like writing about it… so here I go..
I’m an extremely sensitive person (a well known fact). If some one hurts me I go all moody and depressed and that too very obviously. Immediately every one around me gets irritated and starts asking me why I’m so sensitive and childish and negative and stubborn and sulky and blah blah blah blah….
Gosh!! I’m this way yaar.. isn’t there anyone who knows how to react when I’m in this mood?? So far the answer is no.. maybe someday some one will come who knows how to behave when I’m in this mood ( very romantic huh??). So since no one else can handle me in this mood I decided to deal with myself…. And here are the things I do ( or try to do) when my sad….
1) Make My Friend Crazy
This is a very refreshing thing to do. You can also try it out. I’ll explain the process.
Step 1: Choose a friend whom you are sure wont slap you hard on your face when you drive them crazy.
Step 2: Jump onto them when they least expect it. The surprise factor is very important else they will do all the talking and drive you crazy instead.
Step 3: Talk the most crazy and nonsensical things you know. This is extremely simple for me since talking nonsense is what I’m best at!!! Just stop thinking and talk….
Result: You are happy and your friend is crazy!!
Precaution: Duration of talk is directly proportional to the temper of the victim chosen. So be careful about how long you talk.
2)Draw
I’m sure this would make you think I’m an artist. You are absolutely wrong. My drawing ability is far inferior to that of a four year old. But here I’m not talking about artistic drawing. I love doodling. Crazy lines… weird twisty figures… song lyrics… and all sorts of dumb things fill the margins of my notebook. The important thing is not what I draw but that I get totally involved in this and thus forget about my unhappiness.
3)Use Lots Of Soap
Taking a soapy bath is the best way to be happy. Don’t laugh… its seriously true. I have an awesome soapy frothy bodywash which I use when I’m miserable (I use a normal soap otherwise k?? don’t get the misconception that I stink when I’m happy). I feel as if I can just wash away my worries and trouble. You get a sort of refreshed and “ready to start anew” feeling when you get out of an extremely soapy bath. I smell extremely sweet when I’m unhappy and the bathroom floor will be extremely slippery (my poor room mates!!)
4) Write
I don’t think I need to specifically say this since majority of my blog entries were written when I was in my crazy mood. I used to write diary entries before I started blogging. But blogs are a better outlet to your feelings. Maybe its not good revealing everything to total strangers but its better than burdening yourself.
5) Forgive
This is the best key to happiness but the most difficult one. I’ve been trying to do this for years and its still a partial failure. Forgive the person who hurt you and forgive yourself for getting hurt. The first part is very easy for me. I don’t know why but I forgive others very easily. Even before a sorry is said I forgive them. But I never forgive myself. Every time some one hurts me I take a lot of time to get over it. This is because I haven’t forgiven myself. I trust people completely and when that trust is broken I blame myself for being stupid. I hate the fact that I’m sensitive… I hate the fact that I get attached very fast… I hate the fact that I expect a lot of care from my friends… I hate the fact that I fight a lot for anything I believe in… I hate my very self…. In short I haven’t forgiven myself for what I am… this is what I really need to do… accept myself and forgive myself…. Happiness will automatically come… forever striving of that ultimate happiness…..
I’m an extremely sensitive person (a well known fact). If some one hurts me I go all moody and depressed and that too very obviously. Immediately every one around me gets irritated and starts asking me why I’m so sensitive and childish and negative and stubborn and sulky and blah blah blah blah….
Gosh!! I’m this way yaar.. isn’t there anyone who knows how to react when I’m in this mood?? So far the answer is no.. maybe someday some one will come who knows how to behave when I’m in this mood ( very romantic huh??). So since no one else can handle me in this mood I decided to deal with myself…. And here are the things I do ( or try to do) when my sad….
1) Make My Friend Crazy
This is a very refreshing thing to do. You can also try it out. I’ll explain the process.
Step 1: Choose a friend whom you are sure wont slap you hard on your face when you drive them crazy.
Step 2: Jump onto them when they least expect it. The surprise factor is very important else they will do all the talking and drive you crazy instead.
Step 3: Talk the most crazy and nonsensical things you know. This is extremely simple for me since talking nonsense is what I’m best at!!! Just stop thinking and talk….
Result: You are happy and your friend is crazy!!
Precaution: Duration of talk is directly proportional to the temper of the victim chosen. So be careful about how long you talk.
2)Draw
I’m sure this would make you think I’m an artist. You are absolutely wrong. My drawing ability is far inferior to that of a four year old. But here I’m not talking about artistic drawing. I love doodling. Crazy lines… weird twisty figures… song lyrics… and all sorts of dumb things fill the margins of my notebook. The important thing is not what I draw but that I get totally involved in this and thus forget about my unhappiness.
3)Use Lots Of Soap
Taking a soapy bath is the best way to be happy. Don’t laugh… its seriously true. I have an awesome soapy frothy bodywash which I use when I’m miserable (I use a normal soap otherwise k?? don’t get the misconception that I stink when I’m happy). I feel as if I can just wash away my worries and trouble. You get a sort of refreshed and “ready to start anew” feeling when you get out of an extremely soapy bath. I smell extremely sweet when I’m unhappy and the bathroom floor will be extremely slippery (my poor room mates!!)
4) Write
I don’t think I need to specifically say this since majority of my blog entries were written when I was in my crazy mood. I used to write diary entries before I started blogging. But blogs are a better outlet to your feelings. Maybe its not good revealing everything to total strangers but its better than burdening yourself.
5) Forgive
This is the best key to happiness but the most difficult one. I’ve been trying to do this for years and its still a partial failure. Forgive the person who hurt you and forgive yourself for getting hurt. The first part is very easy for me. I don’t know why but I forgive others very easily. Even before a sorry is said I forgive them. But I never forgive myself. Every time some one hurts me I take a lot of time to get over it. This is because I haven’t forgiven myself. I trust people completely and when that trust is broken I blame myself for being stupid. I hate the fact that I’m sensitive… I hate the fact that I get attached very fast… I hate the fact that I expect a lot of care from my friends… I hate the fact that I fight a lot for anything I believe in… I hate my very self…. In short I haven’t forgiven myself for what I am… this is what I really need to do… accept myself and forgive myself…. Happiness will automatically come… forever striving of that ultimate happiness…..
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